Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
