you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize