Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
