u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's paint friendship bongs
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
