I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
