I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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