that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
