tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
