I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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