he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
