dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
