Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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