Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize