He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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