the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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