Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
