Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
