just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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