you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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