Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
