My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
