I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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