FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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