Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
