I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
