ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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