Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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