Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
