The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
