he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
