Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want to be your penis for a week.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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