I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
