How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize