Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
