in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
