there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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