real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
