Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
