my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
