just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
