is your mom at the bar?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
