I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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