The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
