You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
