i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
