How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize