i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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