I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
