mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
