Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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