Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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