Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize