So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
