The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
