with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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