Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize