Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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