Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
