she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
