I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
