Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
