You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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