I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your cock deserves a montage
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
