I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
