just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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