I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
