Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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