writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
