I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
