bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
