Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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