I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize