Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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