I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
