i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
