oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
