I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
