i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
