When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
