He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there was a trapeze. enough said
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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