DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
