I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
