I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
