we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
