Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
