I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
