In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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