Little spoons don't ask big questions
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
