i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize