i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
