my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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