I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
