i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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