He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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