i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
