i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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