just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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