Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So squirting runs in the family.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
