hotel room ftw
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
