Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
